24.01.20... I couldn’t sleep knowing that I was booked in for an induction tomorrow, 25.01.20. I was 42w5d. My practitioners & my midwife assured me that my baby was happy & healthy inside - regardless of how overdue I was. But she had to come out. & if that wasn’t on her own - then with the help of them. I never had expectations of my birth, or how it should go or how I wanted it to go. I’m such a “go with the flow” type of girl that I really wasn’t fussed & just trusted that things would happen exactly how they should. The one fear I did have though, was the fear of hospital. I’m not a fan & the thought of an induction & then having to stay at the hospital & birth my baby in the hospital had me feeling on edge. This wasn’t how it was meant to be? (no expectations, yeah right lol) I would talk to my baby & let her know every day that we were so ready for her. Physically, mentally, spiritually.. That she could come when she was ready.

However, on this early morning - when I couldn’t sleep. I found myself in tears, wondering if I am doing things right, thinking things like 'is she really ok?', and 'Why is my body not doing what it’s “supposed” to do even when i’m trusting it?'. I looked at my phone and it was 2.54am. Ok, enough tears. It is what it is & on the plus side you get to meet your baby really soon. That’s all that matters, right? I got up to go toilet & noticed my show had just come out. Now I was crying in happiness, not fear. Is this it? I really don’t know how this works now, even though i’d been told more than multiple times.. Do I still need to be induced? Do I go to sleep? Do I check with my midwife? Wait.. I don’t have any contractions yet? By this time it was 3.06am. I jump back in bed, texting my midwife to let her know what’s happened & that I don’t have contractions just yet so i’m going to sleep it off and pray something happens within the next few hours. 3.28am. First contraction. From then on, as much as they tell you to rest while you can - you just simply can’t. My contractions were mild, but spacing 5 mins apart & lasting roughly 45 seconds. I just pottered around the house at this point, gathering little things here & there. Before I knew it - it was 6.45am. Time had literally flown by. My midwife came to my house at 7am to check how dilated I was, as my contractions were so consistent but still mild. 3cm dilated!! Gosh. What a relief to hear that. Now it was just a waiting game until my contractions got stronger before we could make a move to the birthing center. Fast forward 2.15pm. Things were staring to feel different. Much more intense than what I had been feeling all day... My midwife agreed to meet me at the birthing center for a check up at 3pm as she was adamant I was in active labour now.

3pm came and we arrived at the birthing center. My heart felt so full. All fear I had of inductions & the hospital were wiped away the moment I stepped foot into that room. I knew this was where I was going to meet my baby girl. An examination came & I was 8cm dilated. The excitement was real. I looked at Dayvid & felt a sense of security. Like he was going to protect me at this time of me bringing our baby girl into this world. As contractions felt stronger and closer together I jumped into the shower to ease the strong surges I was getting. The water hitting my back felt like a sense of release & made me feel calm. I had my mum and my partner with me. Encouraging me, sharing laughter and love & reminding me that my baby girl was coming & all spontaneously too! With each surge that came, I would allow my body to do what it was made to do. With each deep inhale, I would allow my stomach to rise so my uterus could contract & my baby could move down. With every exhale, I would tell myself that i’m pushing my baby down further & that this was another step closer to meeting her. I would rock & sway side to side, allowing my baby to move through my birth canal. I found with my birth that I had to trust my body & that it was made for birthing my baby - but I also had to remember that my mind played a lot in this experience too. If i was tense & had thoughts of fear, my contractions felt 100x’s worse & I felt every sense of pain that came with each surge. Once I trained my mind to be calm and relaxed my body, I got through each surge with confidence & an ease of pain. I had the best support from both my mum and Dayvid. Your support people really do play a big part in this journey with you. 

The pool was ready, and I was sure I was using all the hot water by now in the shower lol. So after my next surge, I made my way over. To my surprise my nana had also entered the room, she blew me a big kiss following “god bless you, you are doing amazing”. Just those little affirmations uplifted me. She was so right. God DID bless me and I AM doing amazing! By this time it was 6.28pm. I was knelt over in the pool and felt my body was so relaxed in between surges. Dayvid was amazing. Rubbing my back, ensuring between each contraction that I was hydrated, and swapping cold flannels out to keep me cool & most importantly telling me how much he loves me & that our baby girl is coming tonight. Boy time really goes fast when you aren’t worried or aware of anything around you. Each surge was getting stronger and the pain had now moved to my back. 7.03pm My mum had swapped Dayvid out so he didn’t burn out & she had taken over the back rubs, and the hydration and affirmations of how proud she was of me. My dad, little sister and brother in law had walked in at this time. I don’t recall much of them, as my soul had pretty much left my body by this point and I found my self dead asleep between contractions. My midwife was amazing. She was present, but in a way that if I needed her she was there, if I didn’t - she was still there, but letting me and my body do what it was made too. 7.56pm. My body was tired, my mind was tired & I was starting to get restless. My waters still hadn’t broken at this point & as calm as I was, my fear starting creeping back up on me. I could feel my babies head right there.. I could feel my waters too but why weren’t they breaking??? 

8.13pm. All of a sudden, I got a sharp massive pain run down my back. Giving me the urge to push. It was the first time throughout my whole labour that I had peeped a sound. An actual roar of pain. “Your waters just broke!!! Keep going!!” I heard my midwife say. I remember looking at Dayvid who had now come back to my attention. “You’ve got this babe”. He assured me. I then look to my mum who’s tearing up. “I have never heard that sound before hun, this is it”. Although i’m not all there at this time, it amazes me that I remember these little things. I look up to see my sister with the biggest smile on her face, like she’s so excited for this. I could faintly hear my dad in the corner of the room also telling me I got this & to relax. My dad missed all 4 births of his children. It felt special to have his presence there while bringing his moko into this world. I felt a sense of gratitude that I was surrounded by all the people I love & they were about to witness a life being born. The three minutes between each contraction literally felt like a dream. The longest dreams. As the next contractions came, my urge to push was even stronger. “Don’t resist it, go with it” I heard my midwife say. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I could feel with each push my baby was moving down. I could feel the crowning of her head wanting to come out, but felt my body wasn’t giving it enough. I was so exhausted. How though?? when I had only been in active labour for roughly 6hours. People go through this for 24+ hours. How am I exhausted?? I have been pushing for what felt like forever, but was only roughly 15 minutes. I needed to stop doubting myself and comparing myself to others at this point. I feel I had taken the trust away in my body, which was leading to me not feeling I was doing good enough. The next contraction came & I remember letting that fear go. Telling myself my body is made for this. I can do this. I pushed passed the burning sense & instantly felt a release of pain. “Her head is out!”. I was in disbelief & looked around the room to see faces in awe with big smiles and faint tears. I reached my hand out and felt this bulk of hair on this tiny little head. That feeling felt surreal. This was my baby girl. I could feel her shoulders wriggling around trying to get out. “Dads gonna catch bubba and pass her straight on your chest. When you and your body are ready, give us one more big push so we can meet your baby girl”. This next 3 minutes that went by felt the longest. I had been enjoying these in between breaks, now I just wanted the next surge to hurry up. “One last push babe”. My body was so relaxed at this point, I felt the next push to come didn’t even need to be forced. 

8.35pm - Rilyn Sienna Lay was born. I remember looking down at the chest to this wide eyed, alert, beautiful baby girl. My baby girl! “She’s real” was the first thing I said. I really just don’t know why. I’ve never known the best day of my life until this moment. I’ve never known a love like this, until this moment. I’ve also never seen Dayvid cry like he did, until this moment. This truly is the most rewarding thing in the world. I’m a mom!!!